Champagne Divorce: Family law, collaborative divorce, in Portland Oregon and Vancouver WA. http://champagnedivorce.com Collaboration, mediation, court, child custody, parenting agreements, forms, finances, assets, debt, moving on. Thu, 13 May 2010 17:19:35 +0000 en hourly 1 “Nice then nasty” http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/02/nice-then-nasty/ http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/02/nice-then-nasty/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 06:13:38 +0000 davis http://champagnedivorce.com/?p=432 How did you know the divorce process had started for you?
 One day I just knew that we were done. I could no longer put up with the emotional distance and projections of my partner.

Which was your legal process?
 Court.

The best thing that happened in the divorce process was:
 Finding a gentle common ground in our settlement.

The hardest thing for me to do in the divorce process was:
 Push her away firmly yet gently. She did not want it the way I wanted it and any kindness I showed her, she took as encouragement that I’d get back together with her. Not so!

OK, that was the divorce process. And then what helped you to move forward?
 We had a period afterwards with very little contact. That cooling off period was so wonderful and allowed feelings to be processed and thus move on.

Looking back at my divorce, what I would have done differently and would recommend to a friend is:
 Follow up is very important. I’d have made sure that my ex actually did the things she promised to do. Mine did not and this ended up costing me several tens of thousands of dollars and a greatly lowered credit score.

Something else I would like to say is:
 See my above answer. Having someone to remind us to follow up on these details rather than trust the other is very important.

]]> http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/02/nice-then-nasty/feed/ 0 “Young Lovers –> True Friends” http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/young-lovers-true-friends/ http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/young-lovers-true-friends/#comments Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:05:07 +0000 davis http://champagnedivorce.com/?p=426 How did you know the divorce process had started for you?
 We disagreed about a major, watershed decision in our life together, and I knew we would have to go on our separate paths.

Which was your legal process?
 Mediation.

The best thing that happened in the divorce process was:
 It took so long that by the time our divorce was finalized, we weren’t that angry anymore! (we mostly did the process ourselves)

The hardest thing for me to do in the divorce process was:
 The hardest thing was realizing that I wasn’t going to be living full time with my children.

OK, that was the divorce process. And then what helped you to move forward?
 Knowing that we did the right thing for each other and for the kids.

Looking back at my divorce, what I would have done differently and would recommend to a friend is:
 Have more legal help and also more emotional support, like a therapist. I wish I had been reassured during the process that I was doing the right thing and that it really would be over soon.

Something else I would like to say is:
 Stay in touch with your true self and deeply held goals and beliefs about your life and yourself. You’ll do the right thing.

]]> http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/young-lovers-true-friends/feed/ 0 “Clarity uncovered” http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/clarity-uncovered/ http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/clarity-uncovered/#comments Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:00:28 +0000 davis http://champagnedivorce.com/?p=429 How did you know the divorce process had started for you?
New boyfriend was going to move in with 2 weeks’ notice.

Which was your legal process?
 Collaboration.

The best thing that happened in the divorce process was:
 Rediscovered myself.

The hardest thing for me to do in the divorce process was:
 Overcoming self-pity.

OK, that was the divorce process. And then what helped you to move forward?
Began pursuing goals more honestly and with renewed enthusiasm.

Looking back at my divorce, what I would have done differently and would recommend to a friend is:
 Let go sooner.

Something else I would like to say is:
 Work together to always get what you both need; or recognize your incompatability and move ahead honestly with good communication.

]]> http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/clarity-uncovered/feed/ 0 “Pain Ejected” http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/pain-ejected/ http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/pain-ejected/#comments Fri, 22 Jan 2010 22:06:14 +0000 davis http://champagnedivorce.com/?p=423 How did you know the divorce process had started for you?
Spouse had begun a new relationship

Which was your legal process?
 Collaboration.

The best thing that happened in the divorce process was:
 Reconnected more meaningfully with friends and family

The hardest thing for me to do in the divorce process was:
 Conquering the emotions – pretty brutal.

OK, that was the divorce process. And then what helped you to move forward?
 Re-discovered creative and social activities

Looking back at my divorce, what I would have done differently and would recommend to a friend is:
 Don’t perpetuate your pain, but rather grow from it. Life doesn’t give you many fresh starts; make the most of it. Nurture this opportunity for change.

Something else I would like to say is:
 Everybody’s circumstances are different; some more painful that others. I do not recommend divorce to anybody; but it can be a transformative experience, and all opportunities to be a better person and fulfill that which was lacking should be taken going forward – everyone deserves it.

]]> http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/pain-ejected/feed/ 0 “The Quicker The Better” http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/the-quicker-the-better/ http://champagnedivorce.com/2010/01/the-quicker-the-better/#comments Fri, 22 Jan 2010 22:04:11 +0000 davis http://champagnedivorce.com/?p=420 How did you know the divorce process had started for you?
 We met with our respective attornies.

Which was your legal process?
 Collaboration.

The hardest thing for me to do in the divorce process was:
 Dealing with the negative emotions that would arise during the negotiations.

Looking back at my divorce, what I would have done differently and would recommend to a friend is:
 Don’t let the emotion of the process cloud your judgment. Communicate with all parties in a postive manner if at all possible.

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